Opening Wine Without a Corkscrew
Sometimes people ask me, “What’s it like to be a touring novelist?” And I tell them, in all honesty, “Sometimes it feels like trying to open a bottle of wine without a corkscrew. You’re sitting there staring at this wine, and it’s right in front of you, and you have all these tools to get it, but somehow never quite exactly the one you want or think you need.”
This analogy seemed particularly apt last night when my mother and I spent half an hour literally trying to open a bottle of wine without a corkscrew. I’m crashing on her couch while I’m in DC for some interviews and such, and last night it was revealed that she lent her sole corkscrew to her friend Valerie. So resident wine expert Helen was consulted via text message, who directed us to this series of YouTube videos. They were less helpful than we’d hoped for, as A) I didn’t want to smack the bottle against my mom’s wall too hard for fear of causing her to lose the security deposit on her rented apartment, and B) I may not actually be as strong as I think I am. (More likely A, obviously.)
In what I hope is a good sign for my writing career, I finally managed to get the bottle open with the aid of two knives, a nail, and a pair of tiny scissors that were inexplicably covered in blue glitter. (Why does my mother have tiny scissors with blue glitter on them? Is she secretly running a pre-school out of her one-bedroom apartment?) It was genuinely one of my proudest moments.
Then I had a glass of wine, red the first chapter of this book about Agatha Christie, and went to sleep.
I’m off to do my NPR interview now. If asked why I wanted to write books, I will answer simply, “For the glamour.”